I woke up at the weekend with a sudden realisation that I am lonely.
At first I wondered why. I was at my parents and my husband was lying in the bed next to me. How could I possibly be lonely?!
The thing is, people talk at me. They share their problems, tell me what they’ve eaten and what they’re up to at the weekend. Tim will ask me how my day was but will spend the majority of the rest of the evening working on his podcast. Very rarely do people ask me about me. And trust me, this feels harsh to say.
9/10 times I am the one to send the first text message. I am the one to suggest we meet up. I am the one to visit someone’s house. And my friends are lovely. But it’s hard to maintain this when all but a few are the same.
Some of this is my fault. I’ve always held the belief that you don’t need one best friend, you need lots of close friends, and this has always worked well. I have on occasions been flakey, cancelling at the last minute (usually because I’m too tired). However the biggest change in my social life came when my friends started to have children and their priorities changed (and rightly so).
At the same time, we are saving for a house (well, trying). It means we can’t justify going out and being frivolous with our money. I know I’m considerably more boring than I used to be and this isn’t helping matters either.
Then there’s the part where I don’t drink. My friends that are now parents ensure that their big nights out involve alcohol, and I am often left without an invite despite the fact that they know I’m fine without a drink in me.
So things need to change. I can’t rely on Tim to entertain me all evening every evening. I want his podcast to be a success and I appreciate this takes a lot of work.
I need to find myself some new friends. We won’t be having children any time soon (most likely ever) and it’s perfectly fine to say that friendships change and people move on. If we were to be parents, I’d be relying on getting me some new mummy friends, so there’s no difference in finding friends that I have other stuff in common with.
Tim and I will also be implementing a digital detox on at least one evening a week to ensure we spend time together. We will bring back date night which could be in our house or outside (finances dependent) and I will be trying my best to be slightly more interesting.
We will obviously crack on with trying to buy a house. I’ve found the dream house but I just need to save a few thousand 😂 – once we get a house, we can get my puppy which I swear will change my life!
I will continue to try and make friends through social media as well… even if it’s superficial. But one of our reasons for leaving Surrey and moving to Scotland was because I was lonely. I refuse to let it happen again.